Bon Jovi Fatheads!

No, no, don't get all excited. They haven't marketed those yet, though if they do, that's one idea off the BJM resume I'm putting together :)

No, this is something (I'm pretty sure) you can do on your own.

What is a Fathead, you ask?

Lemme tell you.

Well, let me let the website tell you.

Fathead changes everything.

Fathead is passion. Your passion expressed as a life-size, hi-def, action image.

Fathead transforms. Enhance any décor in mere minutes.

Fathead is smart. Moveable and safe for walls, they never lose adhesion.

Fathead lasts. Constructed of durable vinyl that never tears or fades.

Fathead is easy. Just peel, stick and enjoy.

Yeah, you say, but that doesn't help.

Fatheads, in short, are these glorious up-to-life-sized vinyl decals you can stick to your walls. Up until recently, you [men] could adorn your Man Cave with life-sized in-action shots of your favorite sports stars.

Your son could have full-size, HD-quality Spongebob Squarepants on his walls, or your little princess could have Tinkerbell hovering over her bed.

Now, dear devotees, I believe you can, for a mere $140, could have a four foot wide, six-and-a-half-foot tall JOVI of your very own.

It's simple.

Go to this website.

Upload your favorite picture.

Give them your credit card number.

PRESTO! Jovis in your house.

I don't know what (if anything) they do in terms of trademarked images, etc., but for the sake of argument, let's say that this would totally work.  They would absolutely make you a (buncha) Bon Jovi Fathead(s).  I would think that as long as you owned the photo, it should be fine, right?

Now, you may say that's an awful lot of money for wall decorations. Considering some of you spent $1875 for a folding chair, I don't think you should be saying anything about my little slice of vinyl heaven. Yeah you got a show, blah-blah-blah, but for the same money, look at what you can get:

For $840, you could get the ENTIRE on-stage band (including Huey and Bobby)

For $67 you can get a set of FOUR folding chairs from Walmart

For $140 you can get 4 Fathead Laptop Skins and turn them into Bon Jovi folding chairs.

Are you keeping track?

That still leaves more than $800 for a ticket, so you can still get a show.

Then you get to go home from the show, and look at the Jovis you have artfully arranged next to, across from, and over your bed. Tell me that isn't worth it?

Now some of you, like me, are married to men who not only don't understand the Jovi love, but gave the big ol' thumbs down when you saw the advertisement for Fathead on TV and said "Oooh!"

 Never fear.

I have a plan.

Call your best girlfriend. Send her some money. Have her "buy you one for your birthday" (or Christmas, Halloween, Hanukkah, Arbor Day, National Ice Cream Day, Festivus, whatever).

Yeah? I don't see a down-side to that, either.

I don't know a husband on the planet -- one that wants to have sex with his wife at least once more -- that will make said wife give back a gift from her girlfriends.

Think about it.

I'm lining up my girls now.

I turn 40 this year. What better way to celebrate that milestone with a life-sized Richie of my very own? Other than having REAL Richie come to my birthday dinner (or be my birthday dinner) that is....

But I have wandered off on a tangent.

Fatheads.

That's all you have to remember.

That, and that I share a birthday with the Ex Mrs. Sambora.

~ Hath